


Alive inside

by Adamfuckmelambert



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Sauli Koskinen RPF
Genre: Bath Sex, Feelings, M/M, Mexico, Romance, Sexual Content, Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-23 00:58:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4857140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adamfuckmelambert/pseuds/Adamfuckmelambert
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam repeats the details on the vacation and this time Sauli does listen. There's more and more jitters in his stomach with every word Adam says. And Sauli swears he'd have been ok with a simple weekend getaway to a cabin in the woods, some pretty and cozy place up in the mountains. Fuck, he would've been ok with just simply coming over to Adam's place for the week. </p><p>Except apparently that's not Adam's idea of a 'catching up with friends' getaway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alive inside

**Author's Note:**

> So I started writing this last year when Adam and Sauli went on a christmas vacation to Tulum, Mexico, but then forgot about it for almost a year. I'm very happy to have finally finished it though. 
> 
> This is obviously a work of fiction and, even though it is based on a real life event, I do not claim that anything I wrote has actually happened bla bla bla. 
> 
> Let me know what you think, I love -constructive- feedback :)

Sauli is just stuffing the last, way too big, slice of his pizza into his mouth when his phone rings. A string of Finnish curses escape his lips as he thumbs answer without bothering to look who's calling him. Still chewing frantically and somehow managing to swallow most of it without choking to death, he breathes out his name. 

"Baby are you ok?" Adam's voice is a warm, crystal clear welcome on the other side of the line. Sauli can't help but bite his lips as a smile creeps on them, a gut reaction to whenever Adam's calling. They've been apart for nearly two years now, but Adam will always be one of the people he holds dearest and he can't help but smile around the guy, even when it's just his voice over the phone. 

"Yeah, yeah", he swallows one last bit of pizza before he can actually talk, "I'm fine sorry, I was just having dinner, what's up?". Adam laughs one of his amused, mellow laughs and doesn't really stop shy of what he's calling Sauli for.

"I miss you and I have been an ass for barely keeping in touch with you, or any of my friends actually, lately so in order to make that up to you I booked a vacation for us, that work for you?". Adam sounds casual, like this is no biggie and if Sauli would have had a drink, he'd honestly probably have spit it out. Out of all the things Adam could've been calling him for, this was the thing he expected least. 

It is true though, Adam has been kinda living in his own little bubble lately, but Sauli's not blaming the guy. He has an album to finish, rehearsals for the upcoming Queen tour to do, lots of time goes into those things and, well, friends and family get to suffer from that. 

"Are you trying to buy back my love, Lambert?" He chuckles and Adam's response is a groan. "Just kidding boo, sounds amazing", he hesitates for a second before adding "and I miss you too". He does, he does miss Adam a lot, in more ways than one. He just hadn't admitted it to himself yet, but thinking about it now, he really fucking misses the guy in a way that makes his stomach clench and heart hurt. 

Adam is just one of those people, there isn't really a word to describe it, but he is intense in every single way. He's one of those people who, once he's entered your life, once you've had him -in his best and worst, once you've loved him, you'll never not love him. He'll always be a part of your life no matter how hard you try kicking him out of it -though Sauli can't really imagine why you'd want to kick a person like Adam out of your life. 

"Well, how does that sound to you?" And fuck Sauli swears he was listening to Adam, except apparently he wasn't, because he has absolutely zero clue as to what Adam's just told him, probably details on the vacation. Fuck. He replies with a mumble, something that, hopefully, sounds like a 'yeah great', but Adam's not easily fooled, "you weren't listening now, were you babe". 

Sauli shrugs, shakes his head, then realizes Adam obviously can't see that over the phone. He thinks about what to say, but 'no sorry, I was thinking about how much I miss you and how you've pretty much ruined me for the rest of forever for anyone, because you're this amazing human being that I somehow got blessed with in my life', doesn't seem like a very appropriate reply here. Instead he decides to go with "I'm sorry, I was thinking about how fucking sweet you are for doing this", which seems like a pretty good alternative, not a lie, not the full truth, perfect. 

Adam actually 'aw's out loud, tells him how fucking sweet he is himself and then repeats the details on the vacation. This time Sauli does listen and there's more and more jitters in his stomach with every word Adam says. And Sauli swears he'd have been ok with a simple weekend getaway to a cabin in the woods, some pretty and cozy place up in the mountains. Fuck, he would've been ok with just simply coming over to Adam's place for the week. 

Except apparently that's not Adam's idea of a 'catching up with friends' getaway. Fucking tropical spa resort in fucking Tulum, Mexico and -from the way Adam is talking about it, with this high, child like pitch in his voice-, it's heaven on earth, with hot tubs in every single room, views of the beach, queen size beds and rain showers. Even though this sounds exactly like Adam's own house to Sauli, he keeps his mouth wisely shut. He's definitely not complaining, because the outlook of spending a full week in this paradise with Adam makes him want to run half a marathon of excitement. 

 

*

 

Walking through the marble gate-like entrance, the resort looks even better than on the pictures Sauli'd seen online. He has to actually stop and stand still to take in all the beauty. The path leading to the reception is decorated in this typical Mexican way, it's covered by a kind of wooden roof with lanterns hanging from it, the sides are surrounded by water and all kinds of tropical plants, flowers and trees and birds are singing all around them. At the end of the path is some patio-like circular plateau, where the actual reception is at and it's honestly the most impressive entrance to a hotel Sauli's ever seen in his life. And he's been to plenty, traveling with Adam is never low-class, but this is honestly a whole new level. 

When he looks over to his side Adam is smiling down at him, eyes all sparkly bright blue in the afternoon sun, little droplets of sweat running down the sides of his nose from where his sunglasses just were. Adam opens his mouth as if he wants to say something, but then closes it again and then ends up talking anyway, "it's beautiful isn't it?" Sauli bites his lower lip, wants to tell Adam that fuck this he's the most beautiful thing in this entire resort, but that would give away all of his feelings towards this god-like creature he's about to spend the following six days with, so he doesn't. Instead he just smiles and says, "yeah, it's stunning", as they continue to walk.

The lady at the reception smiles at them when they enter the patio-like building through glass doors. Sauli's guessing she's about their age, a little older maybe and, with her beautiful wavy black hair falling softly over her shoulders and her nearly-black eyes, she looks as Mexican as it's gonna get to Sauli. 

"Mister Lambert?" Her voice is warm, tequila soaked and she's pronouncing Adam's name with an even heavier accent than Sauli. For a second she's eyeing them, her gaze lingering on Sauli. "And your boyfriend mister Koskinen right?" 

For a second there, he thinks his heart is going to actually give up on him. Since Adam's phone call he's been thinking a lot about them, about having been Adam's boyfriend and about possibly wanting to go back to being that. And maybe, maybe he's hoping this holiday will change some things between them. He's been wondering if maybe Adam's hoping for this too, or if he's fine like this, whatever they are right now. Friends. Friends who call each other baby and boo and sweetheart and who have seen each other naked, fuck, got all up in each other, more often than not over the past three years.

He suppresses a sigh, bites his lip again and tries to catch up on what Adam is talking about with the Mexican lady. Deposit, apparently, because he's signing a paper and handing over a couple of fifty dollar bills. Adam then says something in Spanish -a thank you probably- and hands over their luggage to the staff-boy that appeared out of fucking nowhere. Adam slips an arm around his waist and pulls him toward where the boy carrying their luggage is heading. 

"Enjoy your stay boys", the Mexican lady calls after them and, when Sauli looks over his shoulder, she winks. Boyfriends. His heart stutters again and looking down at Adam's freckled, tattooed arm still wrapped low around his waist, he knows he's fucked, he's totally head over fucking heels again. 

 

* 

 

The walk to the local restaurant the Mexican lady recommended is even more beautiful than the resort itself, the view of the sea, the amount of vegetation, the voodoo decorations along the rocky path, it's all stunning. The walk back is even prettier. There are little colored lanterns on nearly every other tree, lighting the path in a hazy, sensual way. The sky is scattered with stars and the moon is half full -on its way to crescent. 

They had late afternoon lunch -or early dinner- and some margaritas and Sauli's feeling all warm, a happy buzz that started in his belly but got to his head pretty fast. The restaurant was absolutely amazing. The vibe was divine and their menu was absolutely killer. And what's even better is that he gets to share this all with Adam. They've been talking since they left from the hotel, even though it hasn't been that long since they last saw each other, it feels like years. And the thing is, Adam is never boring to talk to. On the way to the restaurant the topics were all light, random little things, they spoke about strange encounters with fans and people trying to hit on them, about life and family and Adam's new car and Sauli's tv show in Finland. 

Now, with more than a few nicely strong cocktails finding their way up to their brains, the conversation takes a deeper turn and suddenly Adam is asking him if he's in love. His heart misses a beat, or two, or maybe five and he rubs his suddenly sweaty palms dry on his shorts. Instead of answering Adam's question he shrugs and dials it right back. 

"Are you?" He's not sure if looking up straight into Adam's eyes was the best decision he's made today, but it sure as hell isn't the worst. Adam's eyes are darker than usual, glistening in the dim light of the moon-and starlit sky and there's happiness in them, loads of happiness but also something else, something Sauli can't fully grasp. Maybe hope, maybe sadness or maybe just the fuzzy overlay of alcohol. 

When, after a few seconds of silence -that felt like eternity, Adam smiles, time slows down. It's not a smile Sauli's seen today, or in a long time. It's a dangerous smile, daring and genuine and full of promises and whatever is going on in Adam's mind right now Sauli has a feeling he wants, has, to know. Sauli feels his breathing quicken, heartbeat switch into full fucking gear when Adam leans down. Right before it happens, time seems to catch back on what's going on here and Adam's soft, freckled lips briefly pressing against his own feel like a great memory again rather than something that just happened. He sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth and looks up at Adam again, his face still close enough he could go in for another kiss if he wanted to. 

When Adam talks it's kinda slurry and kinda surreal sounding. 

"I want to hold your hand babe, can I?" Before Sauli can reply Adam's fingers already found their way around his, intertwining them with his thumb folding on top of Sauli's. And any moment now Sauli is going to remember how his lungs work, any moment, except not yet. It's not like he's actually forgotten how well their hands fit together -how well everything of them fits together, like maybe they're meant to be. All poetical and shit. But actually experiencing it again makes him feel like his heart is going to burst out of his chest from happiness. 

As they continue walking, the conversation turns to something lighter again and within seconds Sauli is giggling his ass off at a sarcastic remark Adam makes about a random lady passing by. It's all normal, comfortable, all them again. Except they're still holding hands and as they enter the hotel lobby, Sauli can't help but notice how much they look like actual boyfriends again in the reflection of the glass doors. 

 

* 

 

It's only eight pm, maybe nine -Sauli hasn't really checked the time since they left the restaurant-, but his body feels like it's four am after a wild night out. When his knees hit the queen size bed, he carelessly lets himself go limp and spreads out like a fucking octopus on it. Head swimming, Adam's laugh is a vague distant sound. 

When Sauli opens his eyes, two sparkling blue ones are looking right at him from above. 

"Hey there sleeping beauty." A groan escapes Sauli's lips as he covers his eyes with his hands. He has literally no clue as to how long he's been asleep, but moonlight still seeps in through the curtains so it couldn't have been long. He scrapes his throat before he speaks.  


"Shit how long was I asleep?" He bites back a sound as Adam pushes a strand of hair out of his face, traces his fingers along his temple, over the shell of his ear and rests his index finger right under his jaw. 

"Just a couple of minutes baby," Adams finger moves again, over Sauli's throat down to his collarbone, sending ticklish pleasure through his skin. Then Adam leans in closer, lips nearly touching Sauli's ear as he speaks. "Did you see how big our bathtub is, I'm running it now". Another groan escapes Sauli's lips, Adam has to stop touching him or he'll get hard. That and he doesn't want to get up, sleep is catching in on him again. When Adam shoots him a questioning look he mumbles something along the lines of "too tired to get up," and "carry me". 

What he doesn't expect though, is for Adam to actually get up, slip an arm under his back and fucking lift him up off the bed as if he weighs nothing at all and carry him to the bathtub. He curls his arms around Adam's shoulders and nuzzles into his neck. Adam's skin radiates warmth and Sauli feels his steady heartbeat against his own. This doesn't last too long, as Adam carefully sits him down on the edge of the bathtub and frames his face with both hands. 

Sauli sinks into Adams touch, lets his head fall back when Adams hands slide down and a soft noise hitches high in his throat as one of Adams hands slips under his tank and grazes his nipple.

"Fuck," Adam hisses and then his voice switches to something low, a little rough around the edges, "fuck you're so sexy." He lets go of Sauli completely and starts stripping out of his own clothes.

And fuck, Sauli tries his best not to look, he swears, but with Adam standing right in front of him, skin glowing in the light of the moon, all tall and lean and muscular, it's really hard not to look. Then somewhere in Sauli's brain something clicks and it registers that Adam is actually undressing right in front of him, undressing to take bath, the bath he just carried Sauli to. They're going to take a bath together. Fuck.

"Adam-" his voice is somewhere between a beg and a warning, but the look Adam shoots him in return as he steps into the bathtub -and jesus fuck Adam's half hard-, somehow makes him take off his shirt and swim shorts. Because apparently he's fucking crazy -taking a bubble bath on a christmas vacation in fucking Mexico with is ex for fucks sake. 

For a moment he hesitates, but then strips out of his briefs as well, waistband catching on the head of his dick as it slips free and he swears he hears Adam make a noise that sounds an awful lot like a moan. Adam sinks lower into the tub, his legs an inviting sprawl as Sauli climbs in. Immediately, Adam's arms slide around his waist, pull him closer to his chest. Sauli toys with the ginger hairs on Adam's freckled thighs. It's nothing sexual, just a loving gesture -at least that's what Sauli tells himself, but he can't help the heat spiking low in his belly, can't get his heartbeat to come down. 

When Adam speaks, his voice is still rough "I miss you so much," he rests one of his hands on Sauli's hipbone. The other one slides up over his abs, to his chest, touch featherlight, almost ticklish, it makes his muscles tremble and Adam seriously, seriously has to stop touching him if he's not planning on following through. 

"Like this," Adam's voice is close to his ear again and then he bites, fucking bites into Sauli's earlobe and Sauli squirms. Adam sucks in a sharp breath. "This," he hisses, "I miss everything about you, I want to have it again," there's a couple of seconds of silence and Sauli is almost embarrassed with how loud his breathing sounds in the quiet of the room. The hand Adam has on his hip slides down, nails digging into the inside of his thigh and Sauli gasps. 

"Adam," A warning again. Or want. Probably the latter one. Sauli's voice breaks as Adam kisses his neck, hot, wet lips sucking gently. "I want that too, fuck." A strangled noise escapes his throat as Adam bites down on his collarbone. And he knows that horny decision making is not the most sensible thing to do, but when Adam's touching him in all these places, kissing his neck for fucks sake, telling him he wants him back, what else is he supposed to do but give in. 

Then Adam shifts, his hard dick sliding slippery wet against Sauli's lower back as he pulls Sauli in closer by his thighs. 

"Fuck, Sauli, you drive me crazy." And Adam is actually full on sucking and biting a hickey into his skin where his shoulders connect with his neck. He rocks back into Adam, grinds against him and grits his teeth to hold back a moan at the familiar feeling of Adam's dick sliding between his butt cheeks. it's so easy to fall back into this -he's spent over two years having sex with Adam, but it's never enough, even though it's always too much. And he wants it now, he wants Adam to take him, all of him, even though it's been so long, too long and they should probably talk about this first. There is no way he can do this casually, not with Adam. But his dick is leaking, Adam's dick is nearly riding the crack of his ass and there's no way he can stop this now. 

Apparently Adam can though, because water splashes over the edge of the tub as Adam grabs onto Sauli's shoulders, twists him around so that he's straddling Adam's thighs. They end up sitting face to face, and for the first time tonight Sauli actually dares to look at Adam for real, take in the sight in front of him. Adam's eyes are dark, pupils lust-blown, but overflowing with love. There are bags under his eyes and his beard is in desperate need for a good trim, and god he's so fucking beautiful that maybe Sauli's going to die. 

When Sauli closes his eyes and swallows thickly, Adam leans his forehead against his and then plants a soft, chaste kiss on Sauli's lips. Sauli leans in for more, but Adam holds back.

"Baby," he mumbles, pulling him in tighter, a ragged noise escaping his lips as their hard dicks brush against each other, "you have no idea how much I want this." Hair falls into Adam's eyes as he shakes his head. He frames Sauli's face again -with wet hands this time, getting water to drip all over Sauli's chest. 

"Fuck, I want this more than anything, but maybe we should-" Sauli decides to cut Adam off right there by kissing him hard, probably bruising their lips as he mashes their faces together. Whatever Adam's going to say, Sauli probably agrees with him, it's probably sensible, probably something about how they shouldn't have sex right off the bat. But he's too weak for Adam, has always been and will always be. 

When Adam responds immediately, takes over the kiss, slides his tongue in, Sauli knows. He fucking knows -and fuck if he forgot what it was like to be kissed, fucking mouth-fucked like this. He has no idea how, they have a lot to talk about, but in this very moment all that matters is their bodies moving together, all slick and wet and perfect, their mouths intertwined and, for the first time since Adam called him a few weeks back, or maybe even for the first time since their break up, their souls are on the same level again.

He is in love, head over fucking heels in love with Adam Lambert and he's not going to ever let this man go, ever again.


End file.
